Here we are honeybunch, another Thanksgiving Day. Yew and me, we’ve been penning these missives for almost 50 years, which means we’re really long in the bicuspids, and we’ve seen a lot as it relates to the political scene here in the Asylum by the Sea. One has to say, though, when it comes to the unusual and the unexpected, this last Silly Season has to rank with one of the biggest surprises that have ever happened in these parts.
With that in mind, we thought we’d give out our annual Turkeys to the politicos of our fair city, some good some not-so-good. It’s always amazing. No matter what we say, the real complaints we git from the political class is not they disliked what was said, but the fack that they might’ve been unmentioned. Like the old vaudevillians used to say: I don’t care what they say as long as they spell the name right.
Mayor Edward M. O’Brien – His turkey is gonna be a bit bitter this year as it will be seasoned with bitter herbs. This year was supposed to be a walk-through for hizzoner, everyone said so. Maybe that was the problem. Some people thought there was too much emphasis on metrics and setch, and not enuff on pressing flesh. Whatever the reason, what should have been an easy win turned out to be a bitter (like his turkey) defeat.
Nancy Rossi – Whilst her turkey might be on the sweet side, it’s gonna have stuffed in the cavern a CPA certificate. We didn’t learn too much about her during the campaign except that she held a CPA. Let’s hope it’s the last time we shall hear those words. When we git to the foist Sunday in December, she will take the oath of office and the real job of governing takes place. Let’s hope she’s assembled a good team around her.
The incoming members of the administration staff – Your turkeys are gonna include some sharp implements so you can cut through the blather and bovine fertilizer that is the Actors Colony. You’re gonna need something to whittle away the nonsense.
The defeated City Council members – Their turkeys are gonna have handkerchiefs attached to wipe their brows. They don’t know it yet, but from what the little birdies are saying, the next few months are gonna be setch like this berg has never seen. The transition teams have been looking at the state of things, and that state is more like bedlam than anything else. They might’ve dodged a bullet by gitting defeated.
The incoming City Council members – Their turkeys will have multiple handkerchiefs cuz they are gonna need it to git through the next few months, particularly after the foist of the year when the budget process begins. Like I said above, the word is things are as bad, or worse, than anyone thought.
The incoming City Council in toto – Your turkeys will have a tablet of paper for the electing of a new chairman. Methinks this is gonna be a long process.
The Democratic Party – The various factions of the city’s majority party should git turkeys that are stuffed with calcium of the edible variety. Calcium, we are told, is a natural tranquilizer. They’re gonna need it. The infighting in that organization is astounding.
Treasurer-elect Mike Last – Another maven of the accounts, his turkey will have a handy-dandy calculator as a side dish. He might need it for all the above-mentioned reasons.
Republican Dave Riccio — Dave’s turkey is gonna have a list of interested young people who might wanna git involved in city politics. The city’s Demmies are a closed shop it seems with all the same names just rotating back and forth. Effen he and the rest of his campaign can git people involved, there might be some real change in this place.
The GOP – Unlike the Demmies, the GOP needs pep. Turkies cooked in coffee might be a good thing for the members of the minority party. Don’t wait until 2019 to mount a campaign. Take a page outta yore candidate’s playbook and start asap for two years from now.
Democratic Town Chairman Jim Morrissey — His turkey will have a whip and chair nearby. He’s gonna need it come the town committee elections next year. The losses in the primary and in the write-in have put a bigger bull’s eye on his back than normal, and we’re told the forces are mounting already.
Former Rep. Louis Esposito – We are told Louey has taken a situation with the new administration as a chief of staff. Louey’s turkey then is gonna have earplugs. Once the real facts are known concerning the city’s straits, the wailing and gnashing of teeth will be of biblical proportions.
School Supt. Neil Cavallaro – The school super’s turkey is gonna have a copy of Donald Trump’s “Art of the Deal.” The new administration has its own ideas about the new high school – which still hasn’t been finalized through bonding – and might want to “review” things once ensconced in the thoid floor of the Actors Colony. Cavallaro might need all his negotiating skills come Dec. 3.
The School Board – The turkeys for the incoming members of the school board are gonna have jars of popping corn around them. That’s what we think we’re gonna need once the new administration comes into power. The show is gonna be something to watch, and you wanna have a snack during all the fun.
The WHHS Building Committee – A lotta sports drinks are gonna surround their turkeys. The Building Committee has had quite a few months of calm and serenity. Something tells me that the sports drinks are gonna be needed to give ‘em the energy to git through the next few months. The turbulence is on the way.
The local AFSCME and Management Union leaderships – Their turkeys are gonna have cards that say “Listen” attached to their drumsticks. There’s gonna be a lotta tough things to hear once the new administration is in, and these guys and gals are gonna be the ones that are gonna hafta hear it.
The city’s teachers’ union – The leaderships turkeys are gonna have school schedules and lesson plans attached to remind them of their days doing actual work in the classroom. Sometimes we think they forget from whence they came.
City resident Patrick Morrissey – Patrick’s annual turkey is roasted with his favorite adult beverage. He’s been mentioned in this colyume for about 15 years, and we don’t wanna stop now.
Our ole pal Merlie Mae – Her turkey will have a book of Shakespeare’s sonnets on the side to teach her kids. We hear-tell from other sources that some in the system wanna get rid of the Bard of Avon in favor of more modern things. It’s too haaaarrrrrrrdddd for the kids, they say. Effen there’s somebody who can teach literature to a “Dumb Ox” (she’ll git the reference), it’s our pal.
City Publicist Mike Walsh – Walshey’s turkey is gonna have a couple o’ ink-stained drumsticks. He’s gonna be busy over the next few weeks going into the new year, and is gonna need a pick-me-up. So, his cranberry sauce will be extra potent.
Voice Historical Columnist Dan Shine – His turkey will have a recipe for traditional New England stuffing, circa 1800, just for kicks.
Gripe Vine Columnist Eleanore Turkington – Her turkey will have the number of the new complaints officer come the new term. There’s a lotta people in this berg that depend on her, and she has to continue to git answers.
To our loyal readers – The hope for a Happy Thanksgiving with family and friends.