Tell me effen yew’ve heard it before, sweets, but, “Happy Thanksgiving!” The Mystick Maidens of the Marsh are assembling with the usual fanfare this year, but using the new norms of social distancing we’ve had to get a bigger tent. High Mystick Maiden Tina Peckingham – once dubbed by Cobina the “Devil with the Blue Dress” recalling the title of a pop song years ago – will preside at the festivities. We’ve moved things to the Painter Park Pavilions for reasons of COVID, but are still close enuff to the marshes along the Cove River. It should be a bang-up affair.
This is the year that has seen many things be put off cuz o’ the plague that we’re told is upon us. Some politicos in other states have got them selves in quite a pickle trying to be little more than petty dictators, and in al blue states, mind you. But, they are getting the smack upside the head they deserve. They will get their own just desserts soon enuff.
Tennyrate, whilst football games and parades and community gatherings have been canceled or “postponed” (meaning the same thing), on thing that hasn’t changed is the list of turkeys Cobina gives out to the powerbrokers in this berg – or those who think themselves so.
Mayor Nancy Rossi – As usual, the chief executive gits the opening bird, if you will. Herronner seems to be trying to keep her face out there, so the turkey will be equipped with a camera for her. Just one thing: do something in the shots. In newspapers they have what is called the “grin and grab” for check-giving photos. Excep’ for swearing-in shots, the stuff from the thoid floor is mostly “grin no grab.”
Chairman of the City Council Ron Quagliani – The head of the council gets a rather paltry bird – a disappointment if you will. The recent Charter Revision was an etude in lack of follow through by city officials – maybe that was the plan. Effen people didn’t like what was happening, a little guidance might have been a good thing. Another wasted effort in the way of charter reform.
Supt. Of Schools Neil Cavallaro – His turkey comes with a mini video screen. He might have to have his dinner on a Zoom Call or something like that the way his year is going. “Distance Eating.” There’s a new term for this very awful year of 2020.
Asst. Supt. Of Schools Anne Druzolowski – There are many people who are happy to see that gal go out over the horizon for the last time. Dubbed Dr. Death by many of the staff, her turkey comes regaled with a door that doesn’t hit the bird in the backside, effen yew git m’drift.
Charter Revision Commish Chairman Ed Granfield – His turkey comes with a tally of the votes on Nov. 3. Despite the lack of support by the administration, rumors of things that weren’t in the document, and outright lies told by some, the thing only failed by 400-plus votes out of 14,500. He gave it his best shot and so did the commish, but nefarious things were done.
Majority Leader of the Charter Commish John Carrano – His turkey comes with a bitter pill. Carrano got an abject lesson in the ways of the city’s majority party. He’s said to be ticked off. Good! Ticked off people do things to make the liars and cheats get heartburn. We’re all in favor of that.
Corporation Counsel Lee Tiernan – His turkey comes with a spoonful of sugar. Lee likes to answer questions with an edgy style that drifts into being bitter. The sugar should help a bit.
Sen. Richard Blumenthal – The state’s senior senator – a real paragon of partisanship – gets a scrawny bird. It’s all he deserves. We’d say he should be embarrassed for his behavior over the last year, but he’s incapable of self-reflection. Some people have no mirrors in their bathrooms.
Sen. Chris Murphy – His turkey comes with a side of soy sauce and hot mustard. If there is anyone more pro-Communist Chinese than this character, we’d wanna know who. But besides that, what a waste of space. His antics at committee meetings was as embarrassing as his cohort above.
Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro – Rosa DeLauro Greenberg is a person who has received many turkeys over the years. This one has a purple streak of beet juice across its left side – jest like the hair-don’t that Rosa sports. Besides being a harpie for the Democrats, she finds new ways of being out of touch.
GOP Town Chairman Dave Riccio (no relation to the editor) – His turkey comes with a muzzle. Y’see we really havne’t heard from the GOP since the last municipal election – which is par for the course. Ya can’t try to be the loyal opposition effen yew ain’t out there. There was one joint statement about the state election, but other than that…crickets.
Democratic Town Chairman Michael Last – His comes with a whip and a chair. Whilst it hasn’t been too wild and wooly in the town committee of late, we have a feeling things are going to heat up real soon. He might needs some back-up.
GOP Councilman (R-10) Barry Cohen – His turkey comes with a smiley face. We don’t think Cohen is looking for higher office, but he is doing a perty good job as a councilman – and keeping involved making the majority party include him in things. We like thee chutzpah.
City Resident Patrick Morrissey – Pat’s been mentioned in this particular colyume for years. His turkey comes with a walker. He and his bride had an addition to the family in the last little while, and the youngster might be in the age of tooling through the house by now.
City Public Relations Director Michael Walsh – His bird is a big, sturdy one for all the good work he does during the year. It ain’t the easiest thing sometimes to keep all those egos in check over at the Actors Colony.
Newly Hired School Publicist Miguelina Felix – She gets a newbie bird with a list of the cast of characters. She’s gonna need it. Felix is working hard trying to keep positive things coming from the schools, and then there’s her need to learn about our editor’s wry sense of humor….
Columnists Eleanore Turkington and Dan Shine – Big, sweet bird for all your hard work.
Readers of the West Haven Voice – The best of the day and wishes for a bright holiday season.
With that bit o’ chatter, I’ll close mitt luff und kizzez,