Howdy, sweets, and Happy Thanksgiving! As is Cobina’s custom over these many years, she is gonna give away her turkeys to the bright and best, and dimmest and worst of our fair city. Many people wanna git in on this list every year and are disappointed if they ain’t. So, in the interest of brevity – Iyam the guru of same – we will begin.
Mayor Nancy Rossi – Our fearless leader gits a turkey with all the trimmings and few additions. Foist, she is gonna git a list o’ things the Municipal Accountability Review Board (MARB) has told her to do, and haven’t been fulfilled. It seems the members are reaching the end of their tether. Also, can we git an explanation as to why we spent money on a marching band?? That did beat all.
Finance Director Frank Cieplinski – He’s gonna git a bird with a fireproof poncho. Somethin’ tells me a lotta the fire that’s gonna come the city’s concerning the recent scandals are gonna be put at his doorstep. We’ve seen these things before.
City Council Chairman Ron Quagliani – His bird is gonna come with a pair o’ slippers on the drumsticks. He’s might as well be comfortable for the online calls, meetings in Hartford, and possible visits from the feds over the next few months. This ain’t gonna end soon.
The City Council – The fowls for these folks are gonna come with a barn door – the one that should’ve been closed before they passed a resolution saying all CARES money expenditures should go through the legislative body.
City Clerk Pat Horvath – Mizz Horvath’s bird is gonna come with headache powder, she’s gonna have more than a few opportunities to need it over the next few days or weeks what with questions of absentees and chain of custody.
Democratic Town Chairman Mike Last – His turkey is gonna come with a shield. The slings and arrows that the other divisions in the party are gonna start tossing will be coming at a fierce rate. He’ll need some protection.
Republican Town Chairman Dave Riccio – His bird is gonna come with a shovel. He’s gonna hafta clean up mightily effen the party can build on the turnout of Nov. 2. Some people wanna go back to being a biennial door mat. It’s comfortable.
Former Republican Town Chairmen – Their birds will come with sour grapes and door mats. See above. The letter they sent was about as ad hominem as they come and beneath the dignity o’ people who held setch positions – or should have been.
Former GOP Candidate Michele Gregorio – Her bird comes with a hot, sweet sauce. Hot cuz she still has the fire to speak her mind, and sweet, cuz she’s gone on to bigger and better things outside the bubble that is city politics.
GOP Candidate Barry Lee Cohen – His turkey comes with whatever will keep up the chutzpah, some very tart turnips, maybe. Like him or hate him, people like a politico that speaks his mind and stays away from the clichés. Some in the party don’t like that…and their being nice worked over the last 30 years?
Attorney Vin Marino – See Horvath.
State Rep. Dorinda Borer – Her bird comes with jest a few of the photos she finds herself in over the course of a year. Somehow, she gets in everything….
Superintendent of Schools Neil Cavallaro – His bird comes with a suggestion, and Italian-style stuffing. He likes that. Maybe McDonough Plaza, the place where the old main entrance was, could be expanded to include from the fence at Circle Street all the way to Educational Way. Remember, it was named after a guy who was instrumental in the “new” high school in the 1960s, and was supposed to have a school named after him…that never happened.
Board of Education Jack of All Trades Ken Carney – His bird comes with an added drumstick to represent all the different projecks going on in the schools and elsewhere. The list seems to be growin’.
Third District Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro Greenberg – Her bird is tinted purple to match that awful hair dye she’s been usin’. Let’s hope by this time next year ole Rosa is a “retiring” member of Congress and that Red Wave hits the New Haven area. Rosa’s never met a tax she didn’t like.
Current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue – His turkey comes with a clue writ in big letters so he can see it. Also, a list of decisions he’s made to make us in the economic straits we’re in. Yeah, he got 81 million votes….
Gov. Ned Lamont – His bird comes with a pair of scissors. It’s time he cuts loose from the pandemic mentality and gets the state back to complete normality. Like many in his shoes, he likes the power. The General Assembly should take back its rightful control.
Democratic Candidate for the 116 District Trenee McGee – Her bird comes with advice: Lose the “intersectionality” and ID politics if you want to attract votes from everyone. Also, “equity” means equal results or outcomes. That depends on individuals, which makes it impossible, due to one’s decisions. “Equality” means equal access, which is what we all want. The Dems have a problem with those two words…deliberately…don’t be one o’ them.
All-around Good Guy Patrick Morrissey – Your turkey comes will all the fixin’s for you and your family. Didn’t forgit this time, Patrick. Hope you and yours have a great holiday!
Former GOP Councilman, businessman and now man of leisure Ed Granfield – His turkey comes with a big ladle so he can keep stirring the pot for local politicos, who really hate it.
The Members of the City’s Planning Dept. – They all git a turkey with a copy of the story that announced the Enterprise Zone over by the West River. That was almost a year ago. Wha’ happened since? Not much I’ll wager.
Retired Real Estate Man and Carousel Committee Chairman Mike Mercuriano – His turkey comes with a miniature merry-go-round. Anything happening on that front?
The Haven Group – The group’s individual turkeys will come with an updated plan of what the blazes is going on down there. Talk about a group that plays it close to the vest, nobody knows what or when things are really gonna git underway. Right now it looks like a quarry.
Gripe Vine Columnist Eleanore Turkington – El’s turkey comes with no gripes, no complaints and will melt in the mouth. She deserves a break after a year of dealing with big and small pet peeves from the general public.
City PR guru Mike Walsh – His turkey comes with a green visor and old Underwood portable. Mike does a bang-up job with accentuating the positive in this burg. He gits a side o’ mulled wine.
Voice Historian Dan Shine – His bird will come with a list of all the people who bought his centennial book. After years of toiling hard with his column, he’s getting the recognition he deserves.
UFO Cartoonist Tom Aschenbach –His turkey comes with sweet breads and a dessert of pumpkin pie. He does a great job with his cartoon – though Cobina don’t really understand it – but people like it, and that’s what counts.
Voice Ad Director Alan Olenick – His turkey comes with about four or five different hats, cuz that’s the number of some of the things he’s got a hand into over the course of a week. Cobina can’t keep up.
To all our readers – The best for Thanksgiving Day, and the hope for a great holiday season!
Mitt luff und kizzez,