As we head into the final days before Christmas, yew and I are gonna do what we always do at this time o’ year, honey bunch, name the gifts we’d like to see under the trees of the political classes here in God’s Li’l Acre, a sort of Christmas comuppence as it were. Tennyrate, it’s become something of a look-to event around these parts, with those left off the list not happy, whilst those on the list like to say we’re pickin’ on them, and we are. For yore enjoyment, here is the list we came up with for 2017:
Mayor Nancy Rossi – A tank car full of red ink. Judging from the headlines of the last few days, we think a gift from the Jolly Ole Elf giving her the means to record our financial failings might be a good thing. In her stocking is gonna be a strong pain reliever. She’s gonna need it once all the bad news gets digested and she starts askin’ herself why she wanted the job in the foist place.
First Husband Arthur Rossi – Arty likes to film or video things (yeah, I know there’s a difference), and he should have a charger for his camera cuz he’s gonna be plenty busy.
Executive Assistant to the Mayor Lou Esposito – A copy of Emily Post for his desk to be positioned near the phone. He’s gonna need to review the etiquette of putting people off politely once he’s firmly ensconced in that chair. The way things are, some o’ those people might be bill collectors.
Chairman of the City Council Ron Quagliani – That whip and chair Yew and I thought he’d need. He’ll find it under the Douglas fir. With the make-up on the council betwixt the members of the Democratic Party and the grinding of teeth that’s gone on, he’s gonna need sooner rather than later. Oh, and Iyam told he likes to have his coffee in the El-em Diner on Thursday mornings. Let’s get him some free Java too.
The members of the City Council – Small shields, a quiver, some arrows and slingshots. These guys and gals like to throw “slings and arrows” at each other, they might as well do it for real. Maybe they’ll get tired and start to work together. That’d be something different.
The leadership of the AFSCME Local and the CWA Local – 2018 is probably not going to be an easy year. Santa is gonna give you guys and gals a supply of antacid tablets. It might make the day go a bit easier…and lay off the spicy food.
Superintendent of Schools Neil Cavallaro – A scale model of the Hindenburg, and we’ll write “G Wing” on it. Effen yew’ve looked at the wing over at WHHS lately, it looks like a dirigible. Something tells me that, like the Hindenburg, there are gonna be some flames and a crash in the very near future and they might hafta do with a plan or three…but, heck. He finally got rid of that pesty G Wing!
The various assistant, coordinators and hangers-on that infest the school system – Your retirement, termination or resignation to free up some money so the teachers can really teach and you can stop with the educational fads.
Board of Education Chairman Rosemary Russo – Foist off, yes, it’s chairman, not chair. Last I looked Rosemary was not a stick of furniture. Tennyrate, under her tree is gonna be a sampler that’s gonna have the dictum, “Don’t take things at face value” emblazoned on it. She’s gonna learn effen she don’t already know that a lotta what goes on in that department is sleight of hand and is not as it seems.
The Board of Education – Their Christmas fruit cakes with a dash of skepticism and a pinch of courage to not believe everything they are told and have the gumption to ask the tough questions.
The city’s teachers’ union – Santa will put under the leadership’s trees some school schedules from all the buildings in the system. They might need a reminder of what it is like to actually teach since most of them have been out of the classroom for years – in some cases more years than they had in the classroom.
The Board of Finance – Their favorite brand of hooch will be under their trees. After the holidays are through this panel of residents will hafta cull through the first-flush requests of the various departments and try to cobble together the first draft of a budget. Money is a scarce thing around these parts, and they are gonna need some comfort when they look at all the figgers.
The Planning and Zoning Commission – The members will have a glossary of dubious terms to translate the legalese, obfuscation and downright double-talk they hafta deal with, and handle it. This will be especially needed when developers and their attorneys show up.
The Haven Developers – A timeline so that we can know, yay or nay, whether this things is going through as proposed or whether there are gonna be some alterations in the plan to deal with the new economic realities. By the way, did anyone hear that a high-end shopping mall is already being built off of Exit 15 in Norwalk?
City resident Patrick Morrissey – More of whatever that guy does to be so pleasant all the time. Oh, and a new pair of sneakers for those walks he takes along the water at a break-neck pace.
City of West Haven-Allingtown Fire Chief Vin Landisio – Santa will give the chief some forceps to extract the large handicap the last administration put him under with that 11th-hour announcement of his appointment. They didn’t exactly give him an opportunity to get in good with the staff or residents.
The city’s General Assembly Delegation – Santa is gonna leave you guys some stay-awake pills. Effen the word we’re hearing is true, you guys might be spending another “special session” in the confines of the state house under the direction of everyone’s least-favorite person, Dannel Malloy.
Chamber of Commerce head and Voice co-owner Alan Olenick – Big accounts for both organizations that bring in lotsa business. Alan’s been able to bring the Chamber outta the “kaffe klaetch” rut it’s been in, and a few big accounts wouldn’t hurt the ole papyrus, either.
City publicist Michael Walsh – Santa will give Mike 500 postcards with a line drawn through them. When politicos try to git him to do a job that is more political and less “city,” he can give ‘em a card to show him where the line is drawn.
Columnist Dan Shine – A dartboard with his favorite city official superimposed thereon and a dozen of the sharpest projectiles known to man. I think he knows exactly what is expected.
Columnist Eleanore Turkington – Tea with the new city Complaints Officer. She needs a get-acquainted with whomever takes the job, and Santa will provide the financing.
To all our readers – The hope for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Mitt that bit o’ chatter,