Happy Turkey Day, honeybunch! ‘Tis hard to believe that we are here once again, getting the vittles ready for another big holiday. Of course, we shouldn’t be surprised, once the Halloween decorations came down, the Christmas ornaments made their appearance. That means Thanksgiving is right around the corner.
The Mystick Maidens of the Marsh have figgered the best place for their annual do is the Cove River park off o’ Jones Hill Road. We ain’t been there in a while, and it should be a nice place to git together. We’re still lookin’ for a new High Maiden, some have said Herronner should be the natcheral choice, but with all the work setch a position entails, it might be too much. We will be mullin’ that over.
As is our custom each year, we put t’gether a list of local politcos and celebs, and determine which should have a turkey presented by Cobina. It’s all in fun, and some people look forward to it each year. Some actually got miffed when they weren’t mentioned. But in the spirit of the holiday, Cobina has put together her 2025 awards list.
Mayor Dorinda Borer – Her turkey is gonna be garnished with a set o’ readin’ glasses. Herroner really means business when the cheaters are perched on her forehead. The gal has made great headway in her foist two years, and is endin’ the first term with a bit of a bang. Heck, Beach Street is finally lookin’ like it’s gonna be a fine gateway to the city. The former site of the Captains Galley notwithstanding, the demolition of the Debonair is gonna take away one of two eyesores. And it was seen jest the other day that construction at the corner of East Avenue and Beach is underway. Sooo, things are lookin’ up.
City Clerk John Lewis – John’s turkey will be set atop a stack of paper. In his job, even with computers and setch, the paperwork and filing is somethin’ else. There will be extra stuffing and gravy for the staff, as they work hard to make him and the office look good.
Soon-to-be-former Treasurer Ron Quagliani – Ron is moving over to the City Council as of Dec. 7, inauguration day, so his turkey will have a fountain pen attached to one drumstick in honor of the thousands of checks he personally signed over the last two years. I hear-tell he gets finger cramps occasionally cuz of the weekly signing ritual he’s put together.
Democratic Town Chairman Mike Last – His turkey will have a football attached. Whilst he has his career and his work as the town chairman, we all know his real passion is Pop Warner football, of which he is the prexy. Mike is one o’ the good guys in politics cuz it ain’t his be all and end all. Some of our locals should take a lesson.
Republican Town Chairman David Riccio – Dave’s one of the good guys, too, but he has a party that has shot itself in the foot so much it’s walkin’ on political stumps. His turkey is gonna have a map to City Hall, cuz the way the party is going, that’s the only way they’re gonna git there. Short of some type of catastrophe that might have people look the other way (like we had four years ago), I ain’t sure the GOP is ever gonna get back on the thoid floor.
The outgoing City Council – Kudos for a good term, and a turkey with extra stuffing and a list of what they got done over the last two years. For dessert, how about pumpkin pie with extra whipped cream? There have been good and bad councils over the decades, this one was one of the better sessions.
The incoming City Council – A turkey with a warning, “Do you know what you’re getting into?” And maybe some relaxing pills when things git testy, especially with John and Jane Q.
GOP Council at-large Meli Garthwaite — We got the name right this time!! Cobina claims a senior moment or 20. Tennyrate, her turkey will have a book o’ crossword puzzles attached thereto so she can while away the time whilst the Demmies are in caucus. It’ll git lonely out there in chambers. Better to have something to do.
Superintendent Neil Cavallaro – Hope he didn’t think he was gonna git missed this year. Neil’s turkey will have a Lego set of blocks in place. With all the construction seemingly over for a bit, he might wanna put his building impulses toward a more therapeutic medium while he weans hisself offen the blueprints and spreadsheets.
State Rep. Bill Heffernan (D-115) – Cobina was gonna have the turkey have a mustache trimmer, but methinks the turkey would be more meaningful settin’ atop a red Tonka firetruck with rotating lights. He can put it on his desk at the state capitol building and meditate on it whilst all the palaver is going on during debates.
Mr. Everything Steven Mullins – Steve is in jest about every organization or group one can think of. His turkey will have a rundown of all the meetings he made, events he attended and pictures he was in (and there were tons of ‘em) during the last year. Kudos to him, few people could keep up.
Sandy Point Association – This is a neighborhood group over in that section of the city and they do a lot – and no, I ain’t gonna have their turkey on a bed of beach sand – the Wag started that rumor. Their turkey will have a pail and spade cuz they do a lotta cleanup work around that neck of the woods. Those people can give lessons on what a neighborhood group should be.
The Haven Group – The turkey for this group of grumps will have a vinegar marinade. No news, no progress, and an eerie silence. The stuffing will be sour as well, full o’ lemon rind and pepper.
Village Improvement Association – The turkey for this group is gonna have a rendering of some library for Allingtown wherever the heck it’s gonna be, full color, of course.
Chris Everone, head of facilities for the school system – Chris we remember as a youngster, tooling around the Fitzgerald Sports Complex. His turkey will have some extra special stuffing and gravy as well as a “classy guy” moniker across the bird. The complex is a shining star in the city’s constellation, and Chris and his crew are tops at what they do. When out of towners come to the city for a game, they are amazed at the way the places are kept…and rightly so.
Sens. Richard Blumenthal and Chris Murphy – Their turkey will be in a clown outfit. These two buffoons are an embarrassment to the state, yet because they have a ‘D’ next to their names, they get reelected. Each time they talk in a hearing or make a public pronouncement, they show how unsuited they are from a state that once had people like the Lodges and Cabots representing us.
Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro Greenberg – Speaking of clowns, let us know forget she of the purple follicle. Her turkey will have a yapping dog in tow. Whenever she makes a statement or point, she sounds like Toto barking at the witch.
The Yahoo that thought changing highway signs from a system that works to based on mileage – Effen you haven’t noticed the state is converting to renumbering its exit signs. That’s cuz some bureaucrat thought it best the signs should denote the mileage. Already connectors and the Parkway have these new things to confuse. Whoever came up with this should get a turkey with a pink slip attached.
The Climate Change experts – Well we’ve come full circle from the 70s. It seems now we have cooling going on to where we might have a mini-ice age. Global Warming is passe and now we talk cooling. It still means more power for the elites. The turkey in this case will be served with a thermometer sticking in its breast. Fitting, no?
City PR guru Mike Walsh – His turkey will have a little camera attached and extra stuffing – he likes his stuffing. And we see that the younger Walsh is a bit of a shutterbug….interesting.
School PR guru Rob Forleo – His turkey will have a note, “You have arrived.” You know you’ve made it when you make this colyume.
City Good Guy Patrick Morrissey – His turkey will have down indicator, representing the many years he has spent up and down the sidelines on the chain crew at Ken Strong – in all kinds of weather. He’s been mentioned here for quite a while. We hafta keep up the tradition.
Voice writer Dominic Konareski – The papyrus’s newest wordsmith will have a little typewriter attached to it.
To our readers – The best of the holiday to them and their families.
Mitt luff und kizzez,